Saturday, March 12, 2011

It's been awhile...

Yes, I have neglected this blog. I don't do so on purpose, I just....forget. So let's not dwell on it.

Now that I have a Droid X I can post more often if I feel up to it straight from my phone. Okay so I've had the phone for a couple of months now, just didn't think about Blogger is all. Life happens.

Speaking on life, I am having my first (and last) surgery this Monday. I have realized I tend to have panic attacks when thinking on this subject and I am usually pretty good with the panic and anxiety. I'm not worried about the surgery, I've got the best Doctor this side of the Rocky Mountains and Mississippi River. Everything else however scares the living crap out of me.

Needles in the hands of uncaring, unfeeling women with funny accents? CHECK!
Waking up and freaking out because I have absolutely no clue where I am? CHECK!
Forgetting I'm going to have limitations? CHECK! CHECK!
Relying on others when I am used to being more or less independent? Errr....

And I'm not a big fan of pain and discomfort which I am assured is all part of the process. Despite everyone telling me not to worry, I tend to do just the opposite. Not because I'm a rebel and do stuff like that but those sweet, nice, caring words everyone has for someone having any kind of procedure done just doesn't seem to work on me. No matter how hard I try to calm down, apparently my mind has other ideas.

Haven't been able to sleep for the last few days because I will suddenly awake around 3, 4 am knowing I was having some sort of bad dream but not quite grasping the details of it and just laying there wishing my mind would just shut off. Then the mind wandering to morning of surgery and thinking how things (based upon prior experience being on the other side of this aka NOT the patient) should go and then having a panic attack when I think about them taking me back. Probably because I don't know what happens next and as much as I love surprises and adventure..... there are just some things I think I might want to know.

A complete change of subject---before I have a panic attack thinking about having a panic attack---I would really like to keep this thing up to date. I have another journal (LiveJournal) but it's not public like this one is, for a reason. I know a few people who use blogger and I feel bad that I don't remember to keep this thing up to date. Also the fact that people actually follow this and get nothing from me.....

Just turned on CNN and perhaps I shouldn't have. Tsunami (tsu= port, nami= wave) slamming into Hawaii, 6ft tall waves, and so far one death in California from 8ft tall waves...okay so the guy was taking pictures of the tsunami coming and was swept out to sea....but still.

And apparently the nuclear reactor is having a few major problems...explosion? Yeah unless it's on the Simpson's that's NOT a good thing!! Also depends on what actually exploded. Plutonium, reactor contains plutonium...okay. It's experimental fuel with plutonium. Wouldn't it be nice if the news could not use words like 'radioactive' 'disaster'

The earthquake moved Japan's coast by 8ft. Not sure which direction though.

Another change of topic, apparently men still prefer Marilyn Monroe. When she was told she didn't get the lead in 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' she said "That's fine, I'm still the blonde!" I wish I could have experienced her in the flesh instead of through old movies and clips of things here and there. She is one of my old time favorite actresses. Not because she died tragically with more controversy than any Area 51 story. But because she was the "Angelina Jolie" so to speak of her time. She was a great actress but she was quite more than that. She had those "normal" every person type problems. Although she was seriously let down by all of her doctors and even some of the people around her. I can really relate to the things and some of the feelings she went through.

Well there is still much to be done. We leave for Lubbock tomorrow and nothing has been packed and only a few things have been prepared so might as well get to it. :)

No comments: