Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Academy Awards

Academy Awards

Any surprises for you? How about disappointments?

Personally I was hoping to see some Sherlock Holmes. I don't know about you, but it feels like the Oscars aren't what they used to be. It feels less like a dreamy award show and more like a 'Here you go, say thanks. NEXT!'

Meh, I don't know.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Facebook and Caylee Maire Anthony

ATTENTION: Those of you who are leaving your porch lights on for Caylee are idiots. You are wasting precious energy and are running up you bill. And for what? Can your neighbors look at your porch lights and go "Oh, those are on for Caylee". NO! More in likely they are shining into the window of someone's bedroom and/or annoying your neighbors in other ways.

You want to do something for Caylee, be more active in volunteer work for kids. Donate money to charities that help the families of murder victims. Make a wood sign for ALL the children lost to murders. You know Caylee isn't the only one but no one can name the others even though the cases were well televised at the time.

Get off your lazy ass and do something that actually MATTERS!
How does wasting energy and money help the child? SHE IS DEAD. She no longer needs help. Where were you when she was still alive? Not giving a damn that's where. No one cares or even notices until there is a cold body.
One woman of 51 years old spent over $3,000 on hotel and food and spent over 100 hours waiting in lines to go into the courtroom to watch this case. The money and time could have benefited children and families in need but it was wasted.
This country is fucked up.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Just as I thought.

Okay so a little background so you're not completely lost...
I have a 10 year old son (he'll be 11 in November) and for the last six years his father has had him up in Colorado. I live in New Mexico and have spent much of the last six years arguing and fighting with his father just to get my court ordered rights to call our son and have visitation. We were never married.

My ex is a big bully and likes to push me around and make me cry. Until four years ago I let him push me so far as I actually stopped calling because I could not handle the anxiety I would get when I'd go to talk to our son because of the remarks and comments the ex would make before putting our son on the line. I couldn't even get him to agree to any dates for visitation. As he put it, he didn't have any days to "sacrifice" to me going up to Colorado and meeting them someplace. I let it all slide because I had no knowledge of the law and I believed the ex's threats.

Four years ago I met my now fiancee and when he learned my story he encouraged me to grow a spine and helped me stand up to the bully ex and even intimidated him into picking a date for visitation and stick to it. Still with all of the intimidation and crying (on ex's part for once) I have seen our son a total of three times. And that's not because I've backed off, but because the ex likes to make it difficult for me to visit. Because he insists on being there for each and every visit despite the fact the current parenting plan states that after the second visitation I can have unsupervised visitation. We had to fight to get that third visitation to be unsupervised. So on that, I asked if I could have our son to take him to Sea World--a request that last summer the ex agreed to, of course that was right before our son broke his elbow playing on the trampoline--but of course this year the answer is not just no but basically a hell no, ex doesn't want me to even take our son out of Colorado. But I can have our son for a week.

For me to stay in Colorado for a week would cost more than I pay in child support for an entire year. And there is absolutely no reason for him to demand that I stay in state. However as our current parenting plan stands, he can decide whatever and I have to abide by it. So we (that is my fiancee and I) decided it was high time to update the parenting plan and make some fair changes to it. And just so you know, the current parent plan is totally in his favor. It states that I get to call our son once a week at a chosen time. I get the child tax credit once every five years. Like I said it was very his sided.

Near the end of May (the 27th to be exact) I sent a purposed parenting plan to update our seriously outdated parenting plan that wasn't a permanent one to begin with. All I asked for was summers at my house in New Mexico and every other year in taxes and holidays. I also asked that the ex pay half of the expenses on travel for me to get and bring our son back to Colorado.

He refused to accept the purposed parenting plan. Even when he KNEW it meant we'd go to court to have it settled. He rather spend the money I send to him a month in child support on court and attorney costs because he is still bitter about something that happened over 11 years ago.

What is seriously sad is the fact that my fiancee and I KNEW he was going to do this! So we have back-up plans. And yes, we are going to file the purposed parenting plan that was drawn up, but with some major changes that benefit me. If he wants to go to court that is more than fine with us. We've got quite a bit saved up for this exact thing. Why? Cause like I said, we knew the ex wouldn't agree to anything that didn't benefit him more than me.

So now we know what we are going to be doing this summer. And you know what? I AM ECSTATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I don't update this poor thing more often. I try. :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Sleep is elusive.

I have not been sleeping well at all as of late. Last couple of nights it has been because I got a rug burn on the top of my left foot from the first joint of my big toe down to above the ball of my foot and it smarts something fierce, especially at night (and I'll leave how I got that rug burn up to your imagination - I do have a small rug burn on the last joint of my right big toe as well if that helps). I cannot think of anything else going on that would be keeping me awake at night. Yes the end of term is nigh but I have only two classes and they are both fairly easy.

Thank goodness for Tylenol PM. Kills the pain (mostly) and puts me to sleep. I just wish the pain releaver part wouldn't wear off after six or eight hours. I do so hate that.

I have my one month check up this Friday. I have lost 30lbs (I haven't weighted myself in a while so I am guesstimating here--I'll supply real numbers at a later date). And I am sure the only thing the doc is going to be concerned about is the fact I keep forgetting to eat. I swear this surgery wipes out the memory part of one's brain! I hate that. I also decided that my mini stomach just isn't ready for heavy meats like steak. Eating should make you feel good inside in the 'this meal was incredible and tasted heavenly' type way (not the 'I am sad let food comfort me' way). Not sit so heavy in your stomach that you feel like puking just to get rid of that feeling, which steak has been doing to me lately. It does bum me out that for awhile there will be foods I just won't be able to eat. Like Albertson's french bread. I adore their french bread (and let's face it bread itself) and even more so when it is fresh from the oven. I am strangely missing well made grilled cheese too. Perhaps that is the lack of bread in the diet talking. But I tell you, the sandwich I miss the most right now is peanut butter and pickle.

That's right I said pickle. You weirdos who eat peanut butter and jelly are the strange ones. Found out my youngest Travis likes peanut butter and cheese sandwiches. Can't knock it as I have never tried it. I do love cheeses as well.

PM meds kicking in now, so it's off with the light and deep uninterupted sleep for me--hopefully.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I wish the days would fly by.

I know it is strange to want days to fly, specially since there is still much to be done before October.  But I would very much like to be fully recovered from my surgery.  The incision has healed beautifully, only three small scabs that I have nicknamed Orion's Belt, are left. I keep having horrible muscle pain all around the incision area that felt like I had been doing sit ups all day long. At first I thought that I was having cramps, because I began my period but now that it has finished I called the nurse and asked her about it. She thinks that perhaps I am over doing it and I should rest more. Problem with that is that my muscles hurt the most after sitting at a table at school and there isn't much I can do about it. I find it strange that just sitting there is taxing me. Outside the fact that it seems no matter the chair height my incision area rubs against the side of the table.

Other than that I am doing well, I managed to scare Steve to death today by simply taking one of my Tramadol (pain medication) because I was suffering and it knocked my little empty stomach ass out. So I did not hear the house phone ring or my cell phone go off with calls and texts (of course I turn all sound but alarms off at night and had not turned it back on) and it is not like me to not answer even when I am upset. Steve had many things going through his mind and didn't do well in either of his classes and then rushed home to find me laying strangely on our bed and not responding to him, his touch or when he rolled me over. It wasn't until he was rolling me onto my right side that I sort of woke up. It would be a few more scary moments before I could answer Steve and answer his questions. He was about to call 911 because he had no idea what was going on. I feel a little bad about that but it wasn't something I could actually control.

I do have an appointment with my doc who did the surgery on the 15th of this month so I can ask him questions.  Steve didn't have school or anything else for that matter after he had his surgery so he didn't go through a lot of muscle pain. Lucky bastard.

Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

15 days later......

On March 14 2011 at 7:30 am I was wheeled into the operation room in Lubbock TX and had my first (and hopefully the last) surgery. A Roux-en-Y gastric bypass and I have lost 30lbs since.

And in case you are wondering, I didn't have a panic attack when I got to the hospital nor when I was shown to that room they put you in as they prep you for surgery. I did however cry. Just a little...until they put the IV in and then oh holy hell did I cry because it hurt so bad. I cried so bad that Steve was getting teary-eyed because of it. I don't mind admitting I bawled like a baby--seeing that this was my first surgery and I was scared to death. Steve having already got through this exact surgery told me what to expect when they wheel me back...I had to scootch over to the operation table and they tied my arms and then they were suppose to put a mask on my face and tell me to count back from ten....problem is the last thing I remember is the lady putting the heart monitor stickies on me warning they would be cold, just like the operating room. That's it. Next thing I remember is waking up but not wanting to open my eyes. The nurse turned on a bright light and then I was getting wheeled to my room, still didn't open my eyes until I heard Steve's voice. He had flowers and a card for me as well as my stuffie leopard that I have to sleep with or I seriously can't sleep. He stayed with me until I was released from the hospital the next day (with the exception of the times he had to check on Scott, get something to eat or needed a small break) and was completely supportive and understanding of everything I was going through. I am so very glad I have Steve, not just because he's a wealth of information (both on Roux-en-Y gastric bypass and other things) but because I really don't think I could have gotten through this without his love and support.

I have survived what many who have had bariatric surgery call "hell week". That first week after surgery that during it you sit and wonder why the hell you did this to your own body. The first couple of days I personally was thinking 'when is this going to end' than anything else. I didn't really question why I did it, just when am I going to feel better and start feeling human once again. Since Thursday (March 17) when I was able to remove the pain ball and take a shower for the first time I have started to feel a bit more human than I had since Monday (March 14). Friday (March 18) I felt even more human by getting out of the hotel room in more than my pjs and robe to walk around and even venture to Wal-Mart (which is next door to the hotel) and then later go for a car ride. Saturday (March 19) I was up in the morning and quite agreeable to a trip to Dallas, TX (oh holy god of everything I will tell you about this trip in a few I promise!) to see the Sixth Floor Museum and Delaney Plaza (JFK assassination for those who don't know) then come back to Lubbock TX on Sunday afternoon. Tuesday (March 22) was my one week appointment with the doctor and I was released to go home. I went to Steve's appointment on Friday (he had this surgery back in December of 09 and this was one of his follow up appointments) and the doctor was quite pleased with my progress and healing.

Now about that Dallas, TX trip.....

As many know I love history and museums, so when the opportunity to go to a museum arises I am more than willing to go with it. And really Dallas isn't too terribly far from Lubbock....just you know 5 hours at the most. Well I had no problems with the drive to Dallas. Once we got into the Dallas area however, a whole new story emerged. Right off the bat a semi-truck decided it would be a great time to go around the person going slow in front of them, unfortunately they decided to merge into the lane we were already occupying just as we decided to pass the semi. Steve had to slam on the brakes so that we didn't end up part of the semi. Normally that isn't a big deal. But add the fact that I have an healing incision on my abdomen that even laughing a little hurts a whole heck of a lot and you have a small recipe for making me cry. Then when trying to get to the next exit so that we can get into the truck for my pain meds we get pulled over for speeding. Thankfully after showing the cop my incision he let us go with no warning or ticket, which was nice.

But seriously the drivers in Dallas TX are freaky scary. They tailgate you like you're the new guy in jail. They cut you off like they're more important than you are. And then they hand out parking tickets like they're fliers. Seemed like every time we parked we'd come back to a parking ticket. All because our handicap placard sits on the dash instead of being hung up on the mirror. The first one we got said that it was expired--when Steve went in to the courthouse to get them straightened out the cop had put that the placard expired 09-20-11. Not quite sure how that qualifies it to be expired, but okay. All of them were dismissed--the other one we got stated that it wasn't properly displayed. NM placards can be displayed on the dash or on the mirror, which it states right on the placard itself but apparently this isn't so for Texas placards.

The museum was brilliant however, even if it could have been done differently. There were WAY too many people in that place. Thankfully I wasn't elbowed or anything of that nature, they gave us audio tours things and we all got one of those pressed pennies that for some strange reason I have to get one whenever I see the machines. The museum had a lot of great information and the corner where Lee Harvey Oswald apparently shot JFK was glassed off with a reconstruction of how all the boxes were arranged. Sadly no pictures were allowed to be taken in the museum; that however did not stop me from taking a picture from the window next to the window from which Oswald shot from down to where JFK was shot. I also took pictures outside on the Grassy Knoll and from the spot marked on the road up to the window. Which you can see on my Facebook page. If you know my Facebook page that is.

By Tuesday March 22 I was so ready to go home. Now that I am home, the cats haven't left me alone for very long. Memnoch is always close by, Bast gets quite upset if I haven't made room for her on my bed and Trouble demands his hourly head butts. I am hoping (somewhat as I like the kitty attention) that things will go back to normal soon. Now that I am out of the binder I feel more human....although I keep thinking I'm a freak with the little I eat and the fact that I can only eat certain things or I get the acid reflux feeling, but without the acid. This feeling is so not fun and I do avoid it.

I have experimented with certain foods to see if I can tolerate them or not. I however stick to the diet so I don't do any damage to my stomach more often than not. But it's nice to try to pretend that I'm a normal person though. I can't wait until I am where Steve is now. I just got to get through the rough and tough first couple months. Steve's promised to take me to see Disney's 'African Cats' on Earth Day next month if I survive. LOL

More updates if I remember.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

It's been awhile...

Yes, I have neglected this blog. I don't do so on purpose, I just....forget. So let's not dwell on it.

Now that I have a Droid X I can post more often if I feel up to it straight from my phone. Okay so I've had the phone for a couple of months now, just didn't think about Blogger is all. Life happens.

Speaking on life, I am having my first (and last) surgery this Monday. I have realized I tend to have panic attacks when thinking on this subject and I am usually pretty good with the panic and anxiety. I'm not worried about the surgery, I've got the best Doctor this side of the Rocky Mountains and Mississippi River. Everything else however scares the living crap out of me.

Needles in the hands of uncaring, unfeeling women with funny accents? CHECK!
Waking up and freaking out because I have absolutely no clue where I am? CHECK!
Forgetting I'm going to have limitations? CHECK! CHECK!
Relying on others when I am used to being more or less independent? Errr....

And I'm not a big fan of pain and discomfort which I am assured is all part of the process. Despite everyone telling me not to worry, I tend to do just the opposite. Not because I'm a rebel and do stuff like that but those sweet, nice, caring words everyone has for someone having any kind of procedure done just doesn't seem to work on me. No matter how hard I try to calm down, apparently my mind has other ideas.

Haven't been able to sleep for the last few days because I will suddenly awake around 3, 4 am knowing I was having some sort of bad dream but not quite grasping the details of it and just laying there wishing my mind would just shut off. Then the mind wandering to morning of surgery and thinking how things (based upon prior experience being on the other side of this aka NOT the patient) should go and then having a panic attack when I think about them taking me back. Probably because I don't know what happens next and as much as I love surprises and adventure..... there are just some things I think I might want to know.

A complete change of subject---before I have a panic attack thinking about having a panic attack---I would really like to keep this thing up to date. I have another journal (LiveJournal) but it's not public like this one is, for a reason. I know a few people who use blogger and I feel bad that I don't remember to keep this thing up to date. Also the fact that people actually follow this and get nothing from me.....

Just turned on CNN and perhaps I shouldn't have. Tsunami (tsu= port, nami= wave) slamming into Hawaii, 6ft tall waves, and so far one death in California from 8ft tall waves...okay so the guy was taking pictures of the tsunami coming and was swept out to sea....but still.

And apparently the nuclear reactor is having a few major problems...explosion? Yeah unless it's on the Simpson's that's NOT a good thing!! Also depends on what actually exploded. Plutonium, reactor contains plutonium...okay. It's experimental fuel with plutonium. Wouldn't it be nice if the news could not use words like 'radioactive' 'disaster'

The earthquake moved Japan's coast by 8ft. Not sure which direction though.

Another change of topic, apparently men still prefer Marilyn Monroe. When she was told she didn't get the lead in 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' she said "That's fine, I'm still the blonde!" I wish I could have experienced her in the flesh instead of through old movies and clips of things here and there. She is one of my old time favorite actresses. Not because she died tragically with more controversy than any Area 51 story. But because she was the "Angelina Jolie" so to speak of her time. She was a great actress but she was quite more than that. She had those "normal" every person type problems. Although she was seriously let down by all of her doctors and even some of the people around her. I can really relate to the things and some of the feelings she went through.

Well there is still much to be done. We leave for Lubbock tomorrow and nothing has been packed and only a few things have been prepared so might as well get to it. :)